Whore Lobster Defends Lifestyle

A lobster notorious for popping out eggs like she doesn’t have a care in the world irately defended her lifestyle to her captor as she was lifted aboard a lobster boat in Bailey’s Island Maine today.
As soon as Rizzo, as she is known among the lobstermen, became visible through the traps, she began wagging a claw at the stern man, Ellsworth “Bugger” Brockton, yelling, “don’t you dare look at me like that!”
Brockton has picked up Rizzo many times before, and consistently makes crude remarks about Rizzo’s breeding prowess, before returning her to the water in hopes she will continue her bountiful lobster egg production. The comments include: “this one, yeah, she can’t keep her claws together, right?” and “Rizzo likes it rough!” and “Rizzo is one skanked-out ho!” Before Brockton could make a remark this time, Rizzo launched into her tirade. “You know what Bugger? You know what you hate about me? You need me. You need me out there whoring it up, and you can’t have a taste. You just go home to that chicken pot pie you call a wife and sit there while she makes you watch Project Runway and you sitting there, and you’re glazing out, and you are thinking about me.” Brockton tried to stop the invective by saying, “Rizz, I’m just ribbin’ ya, no hahm, no foul.”
Without seeming to listen, Rizzo continued her defense of free sexuality and its role in third-wave feminism. “And so what if I DO like it?! I like when a guy pisses on me and I piss back and we’re totally feeling that electricity.” Lobster urine, which is ejected from the bladders in the front of a lobster’s head, is a crucial element of the crustacean courting ritual.
“Then a guy says, you want to come in, have a drink? And I say, yeah, what the hell. And my shell gets all soft, and we fuck. Yeah. You heard me. Afraid of that word, Bugger? Then I turn tail and I’m out of there. No regrets. Isn’t that what women have been fighting for? Our freedom to fuck like any man. Well, pick me up, give me a rub, and take a good long look at me and my 10 thousand eggs. That’s some great fucking there. Not that you’d know anything about that, Buggy-boy, stuck in bed with ole warmed-over ‘pot pie.”
As Brockton prepared to throw the lobster back overboard, Rizzo said “you'll see me soon Bugger. My fat juicy tail, my ripped exoskeleton, my mandibles that could make a fine meal of you, my antennae that would tease you till you couldn’t stand it. In your dreams, asswipe.”