Mom of 8 ‘Amazingly Taut’, Except for Vagina

An energetic mother of eight is a local legend at her fitness club for her “amazingly taut” body, but she has revealed exclusively to this reporter that her vagina is not included in this characterization.
“Oh no no, are you kidding? God has allowed me to birth 8 beautiful babies the way He intended! I have to wear a cup to keep that thing from flip-flapping around at the gym!” Laurie Bishop is well-known in her community for being pregnant for much of the last 14 years, during which she has maintained her lithe body until the very end of the last trimester. She is also known as an active member of the Junior League, a resident of the exclusive Westgate community, and an avid churchgoer who abstains from alcohol.
“We’ve been so blessed, so blessed. God sent Sofia, Fernando and Paco, Sylvia, and Oksana to us,” Bishop said, referring to the household staff. “I could never manage Team Bishop without them!” Does her husband mind the slackness of her vagina? “My husband? You mean that useless piece of skin attached to my credit card? Ha Ha Ha! No I shouldn’t say that. Bill is the leader of our family and our relationship comes before everything including the kids like the Bible says it should blah blah blah. I just let him do his business and it may take a little longer but hey I can always go over the kids’ day plans in my head so it’s no big deal at all really! An hour and he’s done! And then, if God thinks it’s right, we get another precious baby.”
Bishop could afford vaginal reconstructive surgery, and indeed has received some enhancements to her face and breast. But she has no interest in vaginoplasty because she views her gaping birth canal as her “gift to God.”
While at the pharmacy, Bishop said, “This is what God put me on Earth for. Oh yes, I’m picking up for Bishop? Yes Klonopin. No, I don’t have any questions, thanks. He loves my vagina for what it’s done, what it could do. Would I like the flapping and the occasional whistle to stop? Of course I would. I wouldn't be human if I didn't. But other than that, I wouldn’t change a thing.”